Stand Up For Yourselves, Beer Drinkers

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Today is one of those days when the brewing and beer culture halves of this blog come together, and it's thanks to a social media discussion I took part in yesterday.  The bottom line up front here is this: stand up for yourselves, beer drinkers.  Don't take brewers, breweries, beer writers, or anyone at their word on things that seem to run counter to common sense or your own preferences.

Now, I don't find most beer drinkers to be shy wallflowers (though I think there's a strain of introversion common to people who get deep into the hobby).  I do, though, think that beer is a realm in which rules of thumb, nuggets of information, sound-bite rationales, and so forth are overused, and probably with good reason: it's just beer, after all.  Most people don't (and shouldn't) care enough to actually be critical of what they're told, and don't need (or want) to dig deeper on these issues.  

Sometimes, though...

In the Can

It all started with a social media post that quoted a brewer of a famous Double IPA, who claimed that said DIPA was "designed" to be consumed from the can, and that pouring it into a glass degrades the flavor because there's a "layer of CO2" protecting the canned beer and preventing off-gassing and volatilization and oxidation; said CO2 layer is destroyed by transferring the beer into a glass.

That explanation seems, on its face, to be patently absurd.

First off, all beer has a layer of CO2 sitting on top of it.  CO2 is used to flush the bottles/cans at packaging in most cases, and in addition the act of opening the package and tipping it around while drinking it knocks CO2 out of solution and into the headspace of whatever packaging it's in.  

Second, that layer of CO2 isn't bulletproof.  Gases mix, even when one's heavier than the other (or so it was thoroughly explained and demonstrated to me at one point by a physicist, and I have no reason to believe he was wrong).  So it isn't like leaving it under the CO2 layer provides a robust and irreplaceable guarantee of preservation.

And third - and this is a big one - leaving it in the can means that your entire aroma experience is also pretty inhibited by the layer of metal and plastic between your face and the beer.  Aroma is important in its own right in beer, and aroma also impacts flavor perceptions, so limiting it in a DOUBLE IPA (where very high perceptions of both hops aroma and flavor are central to the flavor profile) would seem to be a bit of a no-no.  Arguably, that would be a much bigger challenge than the supposed "risk" of putting that beer into a glass.  

Look, I could buy this argument for some beers.  A pepper beer that would be too hot in the nose but which has the right flavors to balance said heat in the flavor?  Sure.  A sour beer that's too funky in the aroma but which is perfect when you add in the acidic flavors in the mouth?  Definitely.  But any hops-forward beer?  DESIGNED to be consumed out of a can?  No.  Sorry.  That just doesn't make any sense.

But the Brewer Said...

Yes, I know the brewer was the one who said this.  But brewers have gaps in their knowledge, just like anyone else, sometimes dramatically so.  Just because the brewer told you something, it doesn't automatically mean they know what they're talking about.  When presented with a recommendation that runs contrary to what you're told about drinking just about every other craft beer you've ever had (ever had anyone else tell you to not bother with a glass?), you're perfectly within your rights to ask for an explanation, and to question it if it seems dubious on its face.

Don't just take their word for it. 

Ultimately, this is a matter of preference and I support wholeheartedly the idea that you should drink your beer in any way you choose.  I'm not telling you to do or not do what the brewer is telling you to do - I'm asking you to be willing to question the why of what you're being told to do.  

That's it.  Stand up for yourselves, beer drinkers.

Keep it simple.

JJW

Please help support BEER SIMPLE by visiting the Support page and saving the links there as your bookmarks, especially this Amazon link!  Every dollar you spend will help keep BS coming your way, and more often (which is at least as much a threat as a promise).


Commemorative Drinking: How I Ended Up Ordering "The Big Boner"

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Sometimes you just have to do things.

There I was last week, walking through the Royal Navy Dockyard in Bermuda.  We were looking for a place to catch a break and something to drink after sweating it out in the not-air-conditioned but surprisingly-not-as-horrifyingly-hot-as-you-might-think Dockyard Glassworks, and we found ourselves walking past the Bone Fish Bar & Grill.  We'd just spent half an hour watching an artist work glass with his bare hands and what looked like dental tools.  The Bone Fish had a nice open-air patio with some good people-watching potential.  Perfect.

I pick up a drink menu, and there is it, staring right out at me: "Order the BIG BONER!  Keep the 50-ounce Pilsner glass."

Now, did I really want 50 ounces of beer?  No, not really.  At least, not all in one shot like that.  But now and again you're confronted with an opportunity and...you just have to.  There's a combination of an atypical circumstance, a singular offering, and a "what the hell, I'm here..." mentality.  

And just like that, you have this sitting in front of you.

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To its credit, it was a pretty solid German Hefe.  And a good thing, too, because I was going to finish that sucker, one way or another.

Commemoration

We do these things because they're landmark experiences.  Everyone, I assume, enjoys having a story to tell.  What we're buying in these scenarios isn't the beer - it's the story that goes along with it.

Beer geek visitors to Philadelphia invariably find themselves directed to a joint called Monk's Cafe, which is entirely deserving of the visit and meets the colossal hype attached to it in a way that the Grand Canyon does.  But even if it didn't, you'd probably go there anyway, because everyone does. [Pro tip: head straight for the back bar.  It's quieter.]

I'll head to Asheville, NC in a few months, and I have no doubt that I'll pay a visit to the Sierra Nevada brewery there, simply because everyone speaks of it in nearly-religious tones.  If someone asks, I want to be able to share my experience visiting that cathedral of brewing.

When next I visit Europe I'll be driving to a certain monastery to visit with the "brewing brother" and picking up my two allotted cases of you-know-what.  Why?  Because it's what you do, and even though I'm not a huge Trappist beer fan, it'll make for a good story.

We do these things because it creates a bond with those who have come before us, and will come after us - whether it's hanging a bra from the ceiling of Big Bad John's in Victoria, BC or catching the 10 bus to order a Rum Swizzle from the Swizzle Inn or drinking Brennivin ("Black Death") in Iceland or buying a Corona from a street corner vendor in Puerto Vallarta or ordering up a stein of Spaten at Oktoberfest.  

Commemoration matters as much as - or more than - quality, even.  And sometimes quality can surprise you - one of the best beers I've ever had was a Coors Banquet right out of the bright tank at the brewery in Golden.  

Order the Roo

Don't overthink it - just go with it.  One of my favorite establishments routinely offers a rotating wild game burger.  I stopped in there one afternoon with my wife to kill half an hour before meeting some folks for...I don't even remember what, but it was about 2:30PM, not remotely mealtime.  I ordered a beer (hand pump standard bitter, as I recall), and the bartender, before walking away, said, "...oh, and our game burger today is kangaroo."

I turned to Barbara and said, "well, I guess I'm eating a kangaroo burger now."  Because honestly, how often are you offered one?

This conversation came immediately to mind in Bermuda last week.  I didn't need or even especially want that giant pilsner glass of Hefe.  But when offered the Big Boner, what else was I supposed to say?

"One, please."

Keep it simple.

JJW

Please help support BEER SIMPLE by visiting the Support page and saving the links there as your bookmarks, especially this Amazon link!  Every dollar you spend will help keep BS coming your way, and more often (which is at least as much a threat as a promise).

 


Have Beer, Will Travel

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If we're coming up on my birthday (and we are, so if you have a second the best present you can give me is to bookmark this Amazon link and shop there and/or do the same at any of the other fine beer and brewing vendors on our Support page!) then I know one thing for certain: 

I'm getting out of town.

I don't like being made a fuss over, and I don't much want to blow out a candle stuck into a cake I don't much want to eat.  No, I just want a basically "normal" day, and that's easier to do (ironically) when I get out of the state for the day.  Sometimes even the country.  If commercial interplanetary travel ever becomes a thing, you can bet I'll be booking it for sometime in late June.  

And that means traveling with beer, either to bring it with me to some destination and/or to bring it back from some beercation stop.  So, this week, we'll be taking a moment to think about how we transport beer. 

"I Want to Murder whomever designed this cooler."

Not everyone has access to great coolers for beer transport.  For example, I don't do much camping, but those that do have access to some pretty awesome coolers.  I could buy one for myself, I suppose, but somehow I never think of it.  Instead, I'm stuck with my cooler, and deep in my heart I want to murder the person who designed mine.  Or at least torture them a bit - make them watch the last couple of seasons of Sons of Anarchy, say.

It's three cans/bottles wide...actually more like 3.78.  They won't quite fit four.  And it's three cans/bottles long...actually more like 3.29.  You know, so that when you line up your cans and bottles they have room to jostle around, break, get good and agitated.  Just how we like them.

Test this geometry question out before you buy a cooler.  I swear, buy a case of seltzer and walk into LL Bean or Dicks with it.  Don't just read the number of cans or bottles it stores.  Because here's a diabolical twist with my homicide-inducing cooler: it actually fits more cans than it advertises, but it does so in a way that makes you want to hit yourself in the head with a framing hammer.

Can I ship Beer?

You're on the road.  You stop at such-and-such world-famous brewery.  You buy some beer.  Can you ship it home?  Yes, yes you can.  But no, actually, I don't think it's legal.  I've been told you can ship home brewed beer to competitions because it's not commercial (it's diagnostic and a homemade product), but even then you're better off telling them it's something else.  I used to say "yeast samples," but that got weird looks like I was planning on causing a smallpox outbreak, so instead I now just go with "perfume."  Why not?  It's a liquid solution with alcohol and aromatic oils and compounds.  

That's perfume.

No, the best beercation beer retrieval method I know is to pack it home yourself, and if you're doing that, try to avoid flying with it.  Trains are OK.  Driving is best.  Cruise ships will make you check them when you come back onboard, but you'll get them back when you disembark.

Keg it

If you're lucky enough to have your own vacation home - or know the owner and can beg him/her to make a capital improvement - seriously consider investing in a kegerator for your second home or vacation spot.

The advantage here is that you pay a lot less for that beer, especially if you brew it yourself, and lots of vacation destinations are lousy with BYOs.  Stock some growlers, bring yourself a sixtel of beer to the mountains or the beach, and pour away.  

Plus, there's just something really gratifying about pouring beer off of a tap than opening a can or bottle.

Have a Great Independence Day!

So, time to sign off.  I'd like to wish you all a happy Independence Day (July 2nd here in the States - don't be one of those sheep who celebrate the Fourth of July just because that was when Congress issued it's little press release - we became independent on July 2nd), Victoria Day up in Canada, and if you have a national or religious holiday falling sometime between now and the 5ht or 6th when I get back, then a merry time to you as well!

Keep it simple.

JJW

Please help support BEER SIMPLE by visiting the Support page and saving the links there as your bookmarks, especially this Amazon link!  Every dollar you spend will help keep BS coming your way, and more often (which is at least as much a threat as a promise).


Beer, Culture, and Diversification Mystery Syndrome (DMS)

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I'm into craft beer and brewing.  Over the years, though, I've noticed that being a "beer person" leads people to believe I must also be into cider.  And mead.  And things that have literally nothing to do with beer.  I've come to refer to this phenomenon as Diversification Mystery Syndrome (DMS, for short - sorry, I tried to come up with a beer-related acronym, but nothing would fit...).  

What is DMS?  Where does it come from?  And how many people will stumble upon this article because of my totally coincidental but SEO-friendly fusing of sentences with the terms "DMS" and "brewing" and "beer" in them?  We may never know the answers to these questions, but I want to raise awareness of this condition.  Maybe sponsor a 5K for it.  Or have a federally-recognized week in support of it.

Let's talk about DMS.

DMS, Described

I almost never buy cider. It isn't that I don't like it - it's fine.  But if there's beer available, I'll nearly always choose to buy beer.  Why?  Because I'm a beer nerd.  Same thing with mead, though I'll buy that more often because I like it more...but still nowhere near as much as beer.  So why do any number of groups and individuals lump them together ("4-12% ABV Beverage people")?

Ditto with other "artisanal" and/or "rustic" foodstuffs.  When I walk around a beer festival, why am I looking at cheese vendors selling blocks of whimsically-named products that, based on their price-per-pound, are actually being used to envelop high-quality jewelry?  Why does my local homebrew shop sell "mushroom growing" kits, as though brewing beer means I'm looking to go totally off the grid and abandon purchased food altogether?  How long before I'm seeing urine purification kits so I can just go perfectly self-sustaining and use it to brew so I can drink it before eating my home-grown mushrooms and diamond-stuffed cheese?

Why are so many brewers into kilts?  We have a club tartan on record with one of the best kiltmakers in the world - which makes me happy, because I own three kilts and love wearing them.  But why should other members of my homebrew club feel peer pressure to go buy and wear a kilt? 

These (and others) are examples of DMS.  It is a syndrome whereby beer people are expected (by beer people and non-beer people alike) to also be enthusiasts for things that aren't beer.  And this goes beyond just the superficial visual heuristics of beer folks, like beards or brewery hoodies.  People assume I have additional hobbies based on one barely-related (or not even that) hobby.

It strikes me as strange.  If you told me you're really into running, I wouldn't assume you also mountain climb because they both "use legs." It's also strange because it's somewhat paradoxical: why don't people assume I'm into wine?  Because that seems like it would be right in the DMS wheelhouse along with mead, but for some reason it's almost never invoked...  

There must be something else at play here.  

Culture

I'm not suggesting that hobbies can't incorporate diverse related (or even unrelated) interests or ideas or ideals.  But we should note when this happens: these things crop up, at least in part, because of the development, spread, and persistence of culture.  Craft beer carved out a new cultural space from those who just drank beer because it was there.  When your choices were possibly-tainted water, whatever ale was in the cask, or wine (which was for rich people), then the combination of ubiquity and non-specificity meant that "craft beer culture" wasn't really a thing, any more than "craft water culture" is a thing.  Wait - it's not, is it?  Maybe somewhere in LA or London.  If everyone drinks it, and no one thinks much about it, it doesn't tend to develop cultural traits.

But cultures do form when devotees start to organize and discriminate (take that in its neutral, literal definition).  We start distinguishing craft beer from non-craft beer.  We evolve our definitions and descriptions.  Jargon develops.  Communities form.  And when they reach the point where communication of norms and behaviors and ideas means some level of homogeneity within those communities, you see real cultural development.

"Culture," after all, is simply a collection of shared traits or values that build expectations of behavior or belief.  Sometimes these include activities that fall within the same value system or ideological space: people who brew their own beer may very well also want to make their own cheese or grow their own mushrooms, because they're culinary "DIY'ers."  Or physical artifacts: modes of dress or articles of clothing, like kilts.  Or mentifacts: a sense of solidarity with other craft beverages like ciders or meads.  Culture is earned.  It includes and excludes - which is why most people don't assume a beer nerd is also a wine nerd. 

DMS is like gout: it's a byproduct of cultural "success," and it has specific, culturally-defined symptoms.

Living with DMS

So, you're a beer nerd.  How do you live with DMS?

On many things, it's just going to be easier to assimilate.  Buy the kilt.  Shave your head or grow a beard (or both).  Go to that mead tasting.  Raise chickens, if your homeowners association permits it.  You might find you actually develop a liking for these things, too, and even if you only tolerate them, it'll probably bring you into contact with people you'll like.

But don't feel like you must live up to the expectations of others.  You don't need to be some kind of one-man-band of hobbies and interests.  You can choose to just like beer for its own sake, and refuse to wear flannel except in logging situations.  Don't buy the cider.  Eat store-bought mushrooms.  When asked about your refusal to conform, proudly state:

"I just like beer."

Keep it simple.

JJW

Please help support BEER SIMPLE by visiting the Support page and saving the links there as your bookmarks, especially this Amazon link!  Every dollar you spend will help keep BS coming your way, and more often (which is at least as much a threat as a promise).


Beer Weeks, Pay Attention: You're Doing It Wrong

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It's already Beer Week season, at least around here.  I've seen posts and articles about several, and in early June we'll experience Philly Beer Week as well, which once upon a time was one of my favorite weeks (week, hell - 11 days) of the year!  It would come after my spring semester ended, just as the weather was turning reliably warm, and what would ensue was a daily stretch of interesting beer-related events and activities.  It got to be part of the daily landscape: which event is today?  Who's going to be there?  And like the Olympics, it was long enough that you could be nostalgic at the end of it and think back, lo those two Fridays ago (if you're looking back from Sunday) when it all started...

The last couple of years, though...I don't know.  It changed.  It got too crowded - and I don't mean the people.  Too many "events."  It took some of the fun out of it for me.

My Perfect Beer Week Events

I get that not everyone shares my view of the world, but as a beer geek I have a certain loosely-defined list of things that make for a good, special "beer event."  For example: I'm not impressed by a tap takeover, really.  They can be fine, but in an age of beer trading and bottle shops and getting a Fijian beer at a local bar (hand to God), it just doesn't get me excited.  Likewise, I don't know how much I really enjoy a "Meet the Brewer!" event, especially not on a weekend night.

And lately, at lots of beer weeks, in an effort (I assume) to bump up the total number of "events," that's what I'm seeing.  "Hey, come by Al's Bar on Friday night and buy beer!"  That's not really an "event."  That's a product on offer for sale.  Maybe getting to ask the brewer about it adds a little bit of interest, but it's not "special."

Instead, my advice to Beer Weeks is this: more games, science, and creativity.

Buying a beer is nice, but it's not particularly fun.  Know what's fun?  A contest to see who can dress up their Dachshund as their favorite beer bottle/can.  A "beer trail" with punchcards that takes people on a historical tour of the city and prizes for people who complete it.  Trivia (though my wife is known to exhibit something called "quiz rage," which is a sense of righteous anger at perceived unfairness or inaccuracy in trivia questions/answers/scoring).  Make this fun - I can buy a beer anywhere.

I also want to learn things.  Not the usual things - I know not every beer geek knows the basics of brewing, but those that don't probably don't want to bother learning, and the rest all do - no, give me something science-y and interesting.  Steinbier brewing or solar brewing.  A scatch-and-sniff hops class.  Beers made without hops (and I don't mean gruit - I mean malt and yeast and water...no hops.  It can be done!).  

And I love a creative approach to a beer event, especially on location and timing.  Give me an excuse to go to a new place, and hold more events outside of the usual happy hour/evening timeframe.  It should feel special, unusual.  Make it an event.

Those are my perfect beer week events.

Less is More

I think the moral of this story, from my perspective, is that the best beer week isn't the one with the most events - it's the one with the best events.  If the idea is to promote beer culture in your town, city, or region, then less important than the number of people who attend are the number of people who hear about what happened and wished they had attended.  You don't get that by having 256 "dollar-off" events.  You might get it by having a beer slip-and-slide event down the hills of Manayunk.

Go for the less-is-more approach.  Piling on tap takeovers and dollar-offs and beer brunches (actually, those are great, but maybe don't be cliched and do them on Sundays) makes it harder to find the good, high-impact events.  

Just one guy's opinion.

Keep it simple.

JJW

Please help support BEER SIMPLE by visiting the Support page and saving the links there as your bookmarks, especially this Amazon link!  Every dollar you spend will help keep BS coming your way, and more often (which is at least as much a threat as a promise).


Filling In the Beer Map: First Quarter Update

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Every year I try to set myself some kind of beer drinking challenge.  Last year it was going the full year without having more than one of any beer.  This year, it's trying to see just how many counties in Pennsylvania, states in the USA, and countries in the world I can check off by brewery.  I'm not drinking beer at every meal and shopping extensively at bottle shops to "count" as many places as possible - just choosing deliberately from tap lists and shelves in the normal course of ordering or buying beer.

We're one quarter in on the year, and it's time for an update!

Pennsylvania Breweries - 9/67, 13.4%

As you might expect, the local counties around Philadelphia fell quickly.  Every visit to a local brewpub or tap room (or, if we're being totally honest, my own or others' home breweries) checked off something!  The satellite counties in the area near Reading, Allentown, etc. were also relatively easy, as their beer is common in our market.

Going beyond that has been a challenge.  Schuylkill County*** was easy enough (thanks, Yuengling) and two Erie-area breweries are common around here despite being on the polar-opposite side of the state, but there's a surprising lack of Pittsburgh beer on tap lists in the area.  

A summer trip to the family homestead near Gettysburg should help me knock out some more of these, but in the meantime I'm wondering just how committed local bars are to stocking PA beers rather than just purely "local" beers...

I'm a bit behind pace at just 13.4%, year-to-date, but I also haven't yet determined just how many of these counties don't have a single brewery!  That's what summer is for.  

Moving on...

American Breweries - 22/50, 44%

This has been easier, especially in such an import-friendly beer market.  Again, a particularly "regional" bias exists in what I was able to check off, but in addition to Mid-Atlantic breweries the Midwest has been represented well.  The Eastern Seaboard is almost completely checked off, but I'm drawing a consistent blank on South Carolina.  Suggestions (of breweries that send beer to PA) are welcome!

I have some low-hanging fruit remaining, too: Maine, New Hampshire, and Connecticut are easily had but not yet cleared out (how have I not had a Maine Beer Co. or Bissel Bros. or Allagash beer yet this year???).  Ditto the Pacific Northwest - nothing from Washington or Oregon.  Those will come in time, I'm sure.

I have a sense that the challenge is going to be in those places with burgeoning but not-yet-matured craft beer scenes.  Arizona and New Mexico, the Deep South, the Plains States, etc.  I'll be keeping my eyes open because I know of some great breweries in many of those states, but they're not super-well-represented on local taps.  

MOST overrepresented?  Michigan.  Good for you, Michiganders!  I see your stuff all over the place.  Excellent beers they are, too.  Let that be a balm on your psyche to help you recover from your March Madness loss to my Villanova Wildcats (GO CATS! \\//).

Global Breweries - 11/195, 6%

I'm actually a little surprised at how small this number is.  I think part of the reason is because I've been focusing on the rarer local and national breweries, and visiting more breweries/brewpubs than beer bars, but there's a surprising dearth of international representation in my purchases this year, thus far.  

A lot of the usual suspects are gone, of course: Belgium, Germany, the Czech Republic.  Canada remains a surprising (and large) blank spot on the map, but that's easily rectified the next time I run across a Moosehead or Unibroue.  

And, of course, I'm sure there are a few of these countries that don't export a beer.  I'll update that this summer as well, so we know what we're looking at.  

What I'm really hoping for, though, is a chance to knock out more South American and African breweries.  So far, I'm rocking 0% on those.  My census of "beer exporting countries" will undoubtedly end up demonstrating that the European bias I've seen so far is largely a function of the marketplace, but all the same I may do some proactive hunting to find beers from out-of-the-way places.  Time will tell.

Interim Tally

Out of 312 "places" on my list, in the aggregate I'm 13.5% "checked off."  

I expect that I'll be able to do much more over the summer, when trips to the beach and some international travel will allow me to get outside of my usual market choices and/or give me a reason to hit the bottle shops, but so far I'm enjoying the challenge and grateful for the reason to break out of any beer-drinking ruts I might have!

If any of you have joined me (or want to), feel free: post your progress below, or in future updates, coming quarterly.

Keep it simple.

JJW

Please help support BEER SIMPLE by visiting the Support page and saving the links there as your bookmarks, especially this Amazon link!  Every dollar you spend will help keep BS coming your way, and more often (which is at least as much a threat as a promise).

***An earlier version of this piece wrongly stated that Yuengling is in Snyder County - I can only assume that Autocorrect freaked out upon reading "Schuylkill County."  

 


Kids [Do/Don't] Belong in a Brewery

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Just to be clear, I'm more or less agnostic on the question of whether kids belong in a brewery.  

I sympathize with those who say, "look, I always have a DD with me, and the brewery says kids are welcome, so I'm bringing mine."

I understand those who say, "look, it's an adult setting, and there are just places where kids don't really belong."

I concur with those who say, "it's up the the brewery - if they say it's OK, then it's OK."

And I believe that lots of these groups are having the discussion in entirely unproductive ways.  This week, I'm not going to wade into the question of whether you can/should/will bring your kids to a brewery.  I'm also not going to opine on my personal reaction to kids in a brewery.  Neither of those are productive.  Instead, I'd like to suggest some other dimensions of this to consider that might lead to a more-nuanced evaluation of this question.

I don't really care - but if this is going to come up once every 13.2 days in every beer group I belong to, then the least we can do is try to discuss it well.

What Is a Brewery?

This is my principal question, and I think that it goes a long way towards understanding the fundamental disagreement.  What is a brewery?

"A place they make beer, alehole."

Yeah, I get that.  But what is it, in the context of a place to consume alcohol?  Is it a bar?  Is it a restaurant?  Is it like the tasting room at a winery?  Is it an event space?  Because each of those activates its own norms - some of which are child-friendly, some of which aren't.

Kids are welcome in (most) restaurants.  Is a brewery a restaurant?  No, not really, even if it serves food.  It's still a place where the primary function is to produce, then sell for consumption, beer.  If you come down on the "it's not a restaurant" side, then you're probably less kid-brewery-tolerant (KBT, from now on).  However, it seems to be the case that many people use breweries as restaurants.  So if you think of a brewery as a de facto restaurant, then kids might be OK, if the proprietors deem it so.

Kids aren't welcome in (most) bars.  Is a brewery a bar?  Not exactly.  It probably has a cleaner claim to being a bar than a restaurant, but it's also not purely a drinking establishment as much as it is a beer retailing location.  All the same, many people use breweries as bars - some have some pretty excellent seating and/or entertainment options, and they can definitely fill up on a Friday night.  So if you think of a brewery as a de facto bar, then the KBT probability is going to be markedly lower.

This bar/restaurant determination might be a productive dichotomy.  It is, however, also conditional, both in practice and in perception.  A brewery tasting room at 2PM on a Saturday is far less likely to be a bar than the same tasting room at a "Movie Night" event at 8PM on a Friday.  And, for that matter, folks might care a lot less about a kid in a place - even one they consider a bar - on a Monday at noon than a Saturday after dark.  

So, in having this debate, we have at least two crucial questions:

1. Is it a bar?
2. When is it OK to have your kid in a bar?

  A Simple Standard

Then there's the omnipresent talking point over child behavior.  

"I came to the brewery to relax and have a beer - not to deal with your kid running around and screaming."

This one, in my mind, is the easiest to address.  How's this for a standard: 

If it applies to a drunk, it applies to your child.

If a drunk is running around and knocking things over, do we kick him/her out?  Yes.  Same for your kid.

If a drunk is yelling or crying, do we kick him/her out?  Yes.  Same for your kid.

If a drunk is unsupervised and decides to pee on the wall, do we kick him/her out?  Yes.  Same for your kid.

Now, that simple standard holds up just fine for obvious cases.  If it's your aunt who can't hold her booze doing it, or your kid, the same sanction applies.  What about the others, though?  A zero-tolerance case of a single cry or tipped glass seems overly-harsh.

I don't have an answer on that one.  Kids are kids.  Even when well-supervised, they can cause disruption or distraction.  

I think it might be time for...

Vote With Your Wallet

The free market shouldn't decide everything.  I don't care how hip of a parent you are, if you have a child at a 10PM screening of Pulp Fiction at your local brewery, then I'm 100% going to be judging the absolute s*** out of you, and no matter how well-behaved your child is, you really need to be elsewhere.

For lots of things, though, the Invisible Hand of the Marketplace is a perfectly reasonable mechanism to sort out just how KBT a place should be.  

I read a story recently that bars and breweries were increasingly the scene of child birthday parties.  Now, if I were to walk into just about any brewery in the world to see 25 strollers, balloons, and a horde of toddlers, I have news for you: I'm out of there.

But the establishment in question knows that, and has decided that my money walking out is less valuable to them than the parents' money walking in.  If they find that's not the case, then they'll switch up their policy.  And that's fine.

And you're also free to let the brewery know that because of their high KBT level (that's "Kid Brewery Tolerance," for those who have forgotten), you're going to go elsewhere.  Let your voice be heard.

A Marketing Venue

The reason this is complicated is because there's no real answer to the question "What is a brewery?"  Or, rather, there is, it's just not helpful: a brewery tap room, tasting room, beer hall, or whatever it is they serve their beer inside is really a marketing device.  It's just a venue to help establish a look, feel, public impression of the brewery.  Yes, taproom sales can equal that of a bar; yes, many offer food service; yes, they also feature events; yes, they are sometimes open late into the evenings; yes, they are often open for lunch; yes, they sometimes have family-friendly events and equipment and areas. 

They're different, and they're flexible, because their marketing function is universal but multifaceted.

I don't have kids.  If I did, I don't know if I'd bring them with me to a brewery.  When I see kids at a brewery, I don't generally care unless they're breaking the "If Your Drunk Aunt Kathy Did It What Would You Do" rules established earlier, or if it's Tarantino Night.  

I'm not here to weigh in on whether you should bring them, or how you should react if someone does.  Your kids [do/don't] belong in a brewery. 

I'm just trying to help the conversation along.

Keep it simple.

JJW

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On the Road: How Every Trip Has Become a Beercation

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There are myriad reasons to enjoy the expansion of craft beer and the quadrupling of the number of breweries, tap rooms, and brewpubs out there, but my favorite might be this: it's increasingly harder to be hard up for something to do on a road trip.  Whether cruising the back roads of the Green Mountains of Vermont or pausing for a night's rest on a cross-country trek somewhere in the wilds of Montana or taking a little detour to check "Asheville, NC" off of the beer bucket list, almost every trip can now be (at least partly) a beercation.

The Virtue of Fear

I'm afraid of flying, and not ashamed to admit it.  Even if I didn't consider it insanely hazardous and just-this-side of witchcraft, I also don't like the experience.  To quote Elizabeth Kostova's "only way you ever read this thing is if you're an insomniac like me" novel The Historian, "flying takes the 'traveling' out of travel."  You arrive hours before your flight, shuffle through security, and pray that one of a dozen travel hiccups doesn't leave you stranded on a tarmac or cooling your heels for a day or two in an airport hotel.  And if everything does go well, you go from one anonymous spot on the globe to another, with nothing but dry, recirculated air and bad food in between.  Ick.  

No, I much prefer to drive.  True, it's more dangerous, but it doesn't seem so to someone who's afraid of heights, and it has the added benefit of giving me control over where I'm going and when - which trains, perhaps the most romantic way to travel, don't do.

This means that when Barbara and I are planning a road trip to anywhere, I can basically just navigate a brewery-to-brewery itinerary, even if they're a bit off-the-beaten-path.  It helps that she doesn't drink - I'm guaranteed a DD.  Breweries live in the darndest places, too.  Industrial parks, in the middle of open fields, on main drags and side streets and in small towns or big cities or rural retreats.  Tracking them down can test both your nerve and the limits of your GPS.

And, as an added bonus, you get to try out beers that you would likely never find at home: of the 5,000-plus permitted breweries operating in the US, only a tiny fraction move their beer out-of-state.  

Not a bad bit of compensation for being a scaredy cat. 

What to Do?

We once spent an interminable day on a road trip.  Not the driving - that I can live with, since at least you're watching the miles tick off and feeling like you're making progress.  No, this was a day spent in a town that couldn't entertain an inmate just out of solitary confinement.

We'd spent the morning at a battlefield site and national park, and it was a blast.  Learned something, enjoyed ourselves, took some pictures, etc.  Around midday we moved on to the town where we'd be spending the night, having previously read about its bustling main street and thinking, "well, surely we'll be able to find some fun there!"  

Nope.  About 80% of said "main" street was closed stores.  I don't mean, "not open on a Sunday," I mean literally boarded up.  I swear, I literally saw a tumbleweed blow across the street.  It was worth about 45 minutes of our day, and even that was stretching it.  We fled40 miles to the nearest other bit of civilization, a small outlet mall off of the highway - no dice there, either.  It was set to close at 5PM (on a Friday night).  We ended up sitting in our hotel room eating chain-restaurant pizza and counting the hours before we could hit the road again.  

With the proliferation of so many breweries today, though, we should never have to clock-watch a day like that again.  It guarantees that there's always something to do.  We can hop from brewery to brewery, almost anywhere we go.  And it isn't just we childless folks who can use these as entertainment oases: breweries are often kid-friendly, dog-friendly, and if you contact them in advance they'll often be happy to host you for a visit even if it isn't their usual "touring" times.  

Universal

I don't know that we've ever taken a trip specifically to visit one brewery, though.  I know many who have, and I'm not disparaging the practice - I'm just saying that when it comes to brewery visits I'm more of a gatherer than a hunter.  I'll visit places that are convenient, or en route, or, perhaps, pick a stopping point for the night that happens to have a couple of brewpubs in town, but I don't see us making a specific pilgrimage.

I guess everyone has their exceptions - you'd better believe that the next time I'm in Belgium we'll be paying a little visit to Westvleteren - but as a rule, I prefer it my way.  Hell, we more or less accidentally visited a little brewery called Alchemist in my early "beer enthusiast" days (kind of a larval beer geek) just because it happened to land between Concord, MA and Burlington, VT.  Not all are that now-famous, of course, but the little places we've found along the way stick with me.  Montana Brewing Co. in Bozeman.  Lubec Brewing in the northernmost point in Maine.  Moon River Brewing Co. in sultry Savannah. 

More than providing a place to get a meal and a beer and kill a couple of hours, the "movable beercation" that we now get to enjoy feels like a cultural touchstone that connects huge swaths of humanity.  Beer people are wonderfully diverse, and yet wherever I am, if I'm in a brewery, I know that I can talk hops, whether they've got a barrel project going, where they see the industry headed, share horror stories of exploding bottles, and get into arguments about overrated breweries.

Beer is universalizing.  And that means that wherever we roam, corny as it sounds, I've got a bit of "home" to lean on.  I really like that.

Keep it simple.

JJW

Please help support BEER SIMPLE by visiting the Support page and saving the links there as your bookmarks, especially this Amazon link!  Every dollar you spend will help keep BS coming your way, and more often (which is at least as much a threat as a promise).